Before we had Asher there was a very strong feeling of "Us" and the rest of the world. The rest of the world that could easily get pregnant and give birth to living healthy children. Having Asher healed some of that. Its been a while since I felt different, and that sort of disconnect.
But it seems lately like everyone is having babies, good friends, people I pass...pregnant women everywhere, three women at my work. I'm happy for all of them, however that feeling has come back. We are different. We will never have the excitement of a first ultrasound again. Never have the anticipation of telling people our big news, never marking off the days on our calendar until the gender scan....never walk through Boston holding hands and chattering nervously to each other just hours before being induced, knowing that nothing would be the same ever again.
And thats just how it is. But no matter how many times you've felt it in the past, nothing prepares you for the moment that someone else announces they are expecting and you are overwhelmed with jealousy. After a few moments the guilt comes. A good person would be nothing but thrilled. And I am, I am thrilled that good people are bring babies into their families. I can be both happy and sad at the same time. I can celebrate and mourn. I can do this. So I will.
